Here’s an exercise in applying empathy while weighing my needs with the needs of my “significant other.”
David Brooks op-ed “The Limits of Empathy”
October 1st, 2011 by Mark Schultz No comments »New York Times columnist David Brooks wrote and op-ed yesterday entitled ”The Limits of Empathy.”
In his article, Mr. Brooks points out that empathy alone is not enough to move people to moral action, epecially if there’s a personal cost involved. He goes on to write:
Nobody is against empathy. Nonetheless, it’s insufficient. These days empathy has become a shortcut. It has become a way to experience delicious moral emotions without confronting the weaknesses in our nature that prevent us from actually acting upon them. It has become a way to experience the illusion of moral progress without having to do the nasty work of making moral judgments. In a culture that is inarticulate about moral categories and touchy about giving offense, teaching empathy is a safe way for schools and other institutions to seem virtuous without risking controversy or hurting anybody’s feelings.
Empathy is a process of opening oneself to deeply hear another person from their perspective. Empathy by itself does not contain an entire moral system upon which to operate one’s life. And very importantly, empathizing with others does not mean I agree with or condone their actions. If people are using empathy to avoid confronting moral weakness, I would suggest they are misapplying empathy or even practicing something else. My experience is that empathy takes us to the heart of our deepest vulnerabilities, empathy does not avoid anything true.
Nonetheless, by itself empathy does not necessarily compel us to moral action. There exists however, a system of communication that integrates empathy with clear concrete observation, honest expression and taking action on our deepest values. It’s called Nonviolent Communication or NVC.
I recommend this book: Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life
Also, you can get introductions to NVC from the NVC Academy:
Practical Skills for Successful Communication
Introduction to Nonviolent Communication
The Basics of Nonviolent Communication (NVC)
Incidentally, I would argue with Mr. Brooks’ contention that nobody is against empathy. Perhaps he missed viewing the confirmation hearings for Justice Sotomayor.
What Awful Reality TV and Suburban Living Have to Do With the Tea Party’s Lack of Empathy
September 20th, 2011 by Mark Schultz No comments »Amanda Marcotte of AlterNet suggests suburban living and reality TV contributed to spawning the tea party and lack of empathy in tea party subculture.
There’s likely a connection between the lack of empathy and the suburban nature of the conservative base. Research shows people tend to be more bigoted toward gays and those of different races when they have no personal connection with those people. Suburbs are known for breeding social homogeneity that does shelter people from humanizing those who are a little different than them. Beyond that, suburbs make it harder to develop a well-connected social life altogether. Without that, it’s difficult to keep your empathy muscles, aka your ability to look at others and feel a common humanity with them. If you don’t use empathy, you lose it.
My sense is that while the isolation of suburbia might lead to reduced empathy in residents, it seems that reality TV began as a result of the loss of empathy more than being an initial cause. I’m unsure these programs would have flourished unless an appetite for such pulp was already present in viewers. Perhaps reality TV provides a feedback loop for support and further desensitization of the suffering of others.
How Reading Fiction Boosts Empathy
September 12th, 2011 by Mark Schultz No comments »From Cord Jefferson at GOOD:
We told you back in December about a study that showed Americans are losing our sense of empathy. By testing college students with what’s called the Interpersonal Reactivity Index, researchers discovered that nearly three-quarters of the students exhibited less empathy than college kids 30 years ago. “Steve Duck of the University of Iowa has found that socially isolated … individuals evaluate others less generously after interacting with them,” wrote Jamil Zaki in Scientific America last year, “and Kenneth J. Rotenberg of Keele University in England has shown that lonely people are more likely to take advantage of others’ trust to cheat them in laboratory games.”
That’s the bad news. The good news, according to new research, is that the decline of empathy is not a foregone conclusion. And the key might be your nearest vampire novel.
Empathy and Our Animal Friends
August 23rd, 2011 by Mark Schultz No comments »Nicole Forsyth is president and CEO for RedRover (formerly United Animal Nations), a nonprofit organization that strengthens the bond between people and animals writes about the importance of empathy and how we might teach empathy to young people. She writes:
Stories and perspective-taking play a critical role in the development of moral reasoning4. When we read or listen to a story, we imagine what the characters might be feeling—in essence we practice a key component of empathy. Some children do this naturally as they read, and as they take in hundreds of characters and share their moral dilemmas, they learn “what the good guys would do.” These narrative memories can be used when they have to make their own decisions about what is right or wrong.
Other children need to be prompted more—guided into how to delve into the perspectives of others. Questions designed to challenge students pre-existing knowledge and ideas, questions that illicit critical thinking; along with group-based discussions where they hear the thoughts and feelings of their peers, are required for students to truly understand another’s viewpoint and to learn empathy.
“Connected Parenting: Transform Your Challenging Child and Build Living Bonds,” by Jennifer Kolari
July 9th, 2011 by Mark Schultz No comments »Reviewed by DIANA KURTTS, Special to the Press-Register
For every parent who has been at wit’s end with their child, Jennifer Kolari’s “Connected Parenting: Transform Your Challenging Child and Build Loving Bonds for Life” is a godsend.
Nonviolent Parenting with Empathy
