The 
other side of empathy or deep listening is to find ways of expressing ourselves that make us more easily heard. Certified Nonviolent Communication Trainer, Author and Mediator Mary Mackenzie offers this perspective:
When you express your feelings, try to use words that convey emotions rather than thoughts. Emotion words include sadness, happy, excitement, joy, fear, and hurt. Thought words express a judgment about someone else, such as feeling manipulated, abandoned, rejected, or abused. Each of these words expresses your opinion of the other person’s actions: that she is manipulative or abusive, or that she has abandoned or rejected you. When we focus on how we actually feel about something, rather than judge the other person, we are more likely to be heard. If your wife made plans to go away for the weekend without discussing it with you first, you might feel annoyed, hurt, angry, or confused. If you tell her that you feel abandoned or rejected, she is likely to respond defensively. Express your feelings in a way that connects to others and yourself rather than mixing in your opinions and judgments, which can lead you to disconnect. Disconnecting promotes argument. Connecting promotes resolution.
—Mary Mackenzie
This reflection is an excerpt from Peaceful Living: Daily Meditations for Living with Love, Healing, and Compassion by Mary Mackenzie, published by PuddleDancer Press, and is offered courtesy of NVC Academy and Mary Mackenzie.
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