Kelly Bryson explores how to use Compassionate Communication to turn a “fight” with your intimate partner into an opportunity to learn more about each other. Explore the use of empathy, the value of taking a step back to check into your needs and several options for facilitating compassionate connection in the midst of conflict.
Fair Fighting (John Bradshaw’s and other’s term) is an argumentative term in itself. Since when has anybody every agreed on what ‘fair’ is? If we agreed on that we wouldn’t be fighting in the first place. It starts you off on a right/wrong adversarial footing. The idea sends you up to your head to be ever-vigilant, like a lawyer ready to pounce.
“Objection your honor Fair is supposedly an objective term, which puts the authority in some objective external body. And if our lawmakers, judges, clergy, psychology Gurus and philosophers can’t agree on what ‘fair’ is, what chance do we confused consumers have?”
I prefer a much more subjective reference — ‘Fun Fighting.’ The Locus of this authority is within me. “Am I having fun yet?” This helps me take the responsibility for whether I am having fun and if not what I am going to do about it. And by fun I don’t mean just the pleasure of amusement, I mean the satisfaction of being in genuine connection with someone and moving the dialogue forward. Read more…
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