Posts Tagged ‘listening’

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Leo Buscaglia: The Opposite of Love

December 26th, 2009

I ran across this quote from Leo Buscaglia about love.

“I have a very strong feeling that the opposite of love is not hate-it’s apathy. It’s not giving a damn.”

Leo’s reflection reminded me of empathy. Empathy isn’t love or compassion, but like love, empathy requires that I give a damn. Have you ever noticed how hard to it is to listen to someone when you are not interested or want to be somewhere else?

Listening requires effort and concentration, and listening deeply requires a willingness to open myself to let another person’s message inside me. My experience is that empathic presence requires a caring quality, genuine curiosity, or at least some intention to be present and open to receiving another person.

And when I  listen to another person from their point of view, this empathic quality seems to inevitably leave me feeling closer to that person. Can empathy be a door to compassion, a path to love? I think so.

Thanks, Leo.

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Selected Quotes on the Value of Listening

December 24th, 2009

Man who know little say much.
Man who know much say little.
—Unknown

The first duty of love is to listen.
—Paul Tillich

Much silence makes a powerful noise.
—African proverb

A good listener is not only popular everywhere, but after a while he gets to know something.
—Wilson Mizner

It takes two to speak the truth — one to speak and another to hear.
—Thoreau

 I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I’m not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.
—Robert McCloskey

So when you are listening to somebody, completely, attentively, then you are listening not only to the words, but also to the feeling of what is being conveyed, to the whole of it, not part of it.
—Jiddu Krishnamurti

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Recognizing Empathy in Your Inner Experience

November 19th, 2009

What is empathy, really?  How do we experience empathy?

Nonviolent Communication Trainer Jori Manske talks about experiencing empathy and how to make it more accessible to us during a recent telecourse.

Click the arrow to play:

Jori ManskeAbout Jori Manske

Jori is a CNVC Certified Trainer of Nonviolent Communication and certified practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), and often works together with her husband Jim, committed for more than 30 years to cooperating together in the great adventure of life, openly and honestly sharing their deepest thoughts and feelings, and honoring and accepting each other with ever-increasing ability. Jori resides with Jim in Albuquerque, New Mexico, USA.

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M. Scott Peck on Bracketing

October 30th, 2009

An essential part of true listening is the discipline of bracketing, the temporary giving up or setting aside of one’s own prejudices, frames of reference and desires so as to experience as far as possible the speaker’s world from the inside, step in inside his or her shoes. This unification of speaker and listener is actually and extension and enlargement of ourselves, and new knowledge is always gained from this. Moreover, since true listening involves bracketing, a setting aside of the self, it also temporarily involves a total acceptance of the other. Sensing this acceptance, the speaker will fell less and less vulnerable and more and more inclined to open up the inner recesses of his or her mind to the listener. As this happens, speaker and listener begin to appreciate each other more and more, and the duet dance of love is begun again.
—M. Scott Peck, MD

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Michael P. Nichols on Listening

October 19th, 2009

“There’s a big difference between showing interest and really taking interest.”
— Michael P. Nichols,  The Lost Art of Listening

Editor’s Note:  I’ve found this question quite compelling: “Do I really mean it?” I find that in order to “really take interest” as Nichols suggests,  often requires I willfully intend to focus my attention on the subject. Showing interest casually often lacks that quality. Empathy asks me to make a decision to be present for the other, and to focus my attention on receiving them. That requires effort on my part–I’d call that really taking interest!

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M. Scott Peck on Listening from Emptiness

October 13th, 2009

We cannot let another person into our hearts or minds unless we empty ourselves. We can truly listen to him or truly hear her only out of emptiness.
—M. Scott Peck

Editor’s Note: I find, sometimes, what Dr. Peck suggests is easier said than done. Here are a few tips I’ve found helpful to listen from emptiness:

  1. Am I waiting for my turn to say something? If my intention is to listen, let it go.
  2. Take a breath, breathe out my distractions and re- focus my attention.
  3. Ask myself,  Do I really want to listen? Be honest.
  4. Slow down and pay attention, scanning my field of awareness, what’s up in me? Can I let it go for a moment?
  5. Nurture curiosity. Trust that listening will take me somewhere interesting.

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‘Man In The Van’ comes to hear tales of recession woes

October 6th, 2009

van1One man’s quest to bring empathy where it’s needed:

“This is a great need for us as a country to listen to each other and have empathy,” he said. “I think if we can start understanding each other and listening without judgment, I think that will help us as a city to get out of the recession.”

Equipped with only his bright orange van and a few Sharpies, Heideman has been asking Americans throughout more than 25 states to write their stories on his van and share them with the rest of the country. He calls it The Man In The Van Project.

“It’s a way for people to connect to each other and feel empathy for other people,” he said. “It’s about listening.”

Read more…

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