New York Times columnist David Brooks wrote and op-ed yesterday entitled ”The Limits of Empathy.”
In his article, Mr. Brooks points out that empathy alone is not enough to move people to moral action, epecially if there’s a personal cost involved. He goes on to write:
Nobody is against empathy. Nonetheless, it’s insufficient. These days empathy has become a shortcut. It has become a way to experience delicious moral emotions without confronting the weaknesses in our nature that prevent us from actually acting upon them. It has become a way to experience the illusion of moral progress without having to do the nasty work of making moral judgments. In a culture that is inarticulate about moral categories and touchy about giving offense, teaching empathy is a safe way for schools and other institutions to seem virtuous without risking controversy or hurting anybody’s feelings.
Empathy is a process of opening oneself to deeply hear another person from their perspective. Empathy by itself does not contain an entire moral system upon which to operate one’s life. And very importantly, empathizing with others does not mean I agree with or condone their actions. If people are using empathy to avoid confronting moral weakness, I would suggest they are misapplying empathy or even practicing something else. My experience is that empathy takes us to the heart of our deepest vulnerabilities, empathy does not avoid anything true.
Nonetheless, by itself empathy does not necessarily compel us to moral action. There exists however, a system of communication that integrates empathy with clear concrete observation, honest expression and taking action on our deepest values. It’s called Nonviolent Communication or NVC.
I recommend this book: Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life
Also, you can get introductions to NVC from the NVC Academy:
Practical Skills for Successful Communication
Introduction to Nonviolent Communication
The Basics of Nonviolent Communication (NVC)
Incidentally, I would argue with Mr. Brooks’ contention that nobody is against empathy. Perhaps he missed viewing the confirmation hearings for Justice Sotomayor.
Inbal Kashtan Explores How Empathic Connection Can Reduce Sibling Rivalry and Family Conflicts
